I Done Good

Every day at this "job" of mine is a laugh riot. Internally only though.

You see, my trainer is a pathological liar with only a tenuous grasp of the English language. Yes less tenuous even than my own.

Last week on Thursday she said she wasn't coming in this Monday because she was riding to North Carolina on her motorcycle for the weekend to "Party". It seemed possible but unlikely, it would take most of the three days just to ride there and back. It wouldn't be worth it.

Then on Friday she said that she wasn't coming in this Monday because she was flying to New York. Also to "Party". That is, after all, what she does every time she goes there. She goes there to "Party". Also somewhat believable. One can have a lot of fun in New York in that little time, especially when one is completely insane.

On Tuesday when she came back, she immediately went into story telling mode, "Oh yeah, we flew down at midnight on Friday. Spent a while... did some stuff... I bought a kitchen set." Woooooooooo! SPRING BREAK! Yeah, apparently her "Party" turned into her flying to New York Friday at midnight with her eighty year old mother, buying a kitchen set and leaving Sunday morning. Then it got more absurd. A bit later she said she went to dinner with her mother (who got really drunk) when she got there. Apparently she forgot what time she claimed to have left because I don't know that many octogenarians going out for a bite to eat at two in the morning.

Supposedly she bought the kitchen set at a Manhattan auction for $500 but she saw the same thing on Antiques Roadshow so she knows it is worth $10 000. I do believe she bought a kitchen set, I even believe it might be worth a bit more than she paid for it (not quite that much), but she probably did it a bit closer to home. In fact, the whole weekend: eating with the elderly, antiques auctions, et al. sounds like an outing to a much more local place, St. Jacobs.

Because I'm a jerk, but a passive aggressive one, here is an overview of her lack of language skills. Today only:

-Said tendered when she meant tenured

- Pronounced Historical "Hicstorical" about 10 times.

- Said indulge when she actually meant divulge twice.

- Said concur instead of incur five times, then finally managed to get out incur, but used it in the wrong context.

Basic grammatical errors such as is rather than are (such as "there is four options") are omitted.


Here is a picture of me holding the base of a broken music stand like I might hit someone with it:


Keep on Tranglin,
Anthony