10 ligitmate reasons why barack obama should be the next president of the united states of america

1. black people are cooler than white people. that is just a fact. look it up in your history books.
2. white men can't jump. i know i should focus on obama's strengths and not mccain's weaknesses, but jumping could very well be the single greatest issue facing the american people over the next 4 to 8 years. there is really no way of knowing for sure, so why not err on the side of caution?
3. barack obama is fun to say. say it. see what i mean?
4. john mccain is old. old people smell funny. that is no way to impress world leaders.
5. somebody told me that they read somewhere that if obama is elected we all get a free piece of pie (while supplies last).
6. barack comes before john and obama comes after mccain alphabetically so obama obviously has more knowledge and experience when it comes to the letters of the alphabet.
7. john mccain is basically the definition of both "whitey" and "the man."
8. crackers be tripping
9. the economy. that is a thing too.
10. oprah said so.
    

thoughts you may have while watching "night court" at one am on a tuesday

• Harry Anderson has a really weird face
• I'm hungry
• This show has too many sets. Cafeteria, Office, Court room, Hall. Ok, so actually that isn't that many
• I wonder if the guy who played Bull is still alive
• This show is too feel-good
• I bet John Larroquette is a perv in real life
• Did every 80's sitcom have an short, acerbic, working class, white woman or just this one, Cheers and The Cosby Show?
• Having a pet lion would probably be more trouble than it's worth
  

Some things

Countdown: One week until Jerkwad McGee moves out of my house.

Good news: I saw him in front of a place with an "Apartment for rent" sign writing down a phone number.

Bad News: It was across the street.

Things that weird me out:

-Old ladies with long whiskers

-People with growths on their faces (or anywhere else really)

-People who talk with the bus/streetcar driver like they are old friends, when they clearly are not.

-Text messages from unknown senders.

-Fish

-Tonal languages

Things that piss me off:

-Overseas tourists who pay for things with American dollars. It is bad enough when Americans do it, but when Europeans or Asians do it I become enraged. What is their thought process? "I'm going to Canada, I better bring a different foreign currency than my own, because I don't want the value and convenience of only changing my money once, I want to do it TWICE." If I was going to Spain I wouldn't bring a stack of Rubles with me, would you?

-American tourists who don't understand the concept of currency conversion. The reason taking American dollars from Americans sucks isn't because it is insulting, it is because they don't understand the process at all.

-Getting a cold in the summer.

-The fact that Burger King doesn't sell a single thing that won't give you diarrhea.

monday off

I believe that noon is a perfectly acceptable time to wake up on a monday if I worked Saturday and Sunday.

South-facing windows are great in the winter. In the summer they curse my very existence. Solution: seasonally rotating house.

Only five entire nations have won more gold medals than Michael Phelps so far. That is an amazing accomplishment for a guy who looks like an anthropomorphized Goofy.

For months I've been confused. Is Beijing pronounced with a soft zhing or a hard jing. I've been hearing both, sometimes from the same people. Which one is it. And how does Peking play into this?

It weirds me out how much musrooms shrink as they cook. Seriously.

June 23, 2008. 4 am. Trying to understand

Have you ever heard news so surprising it literally left you speechless? It is one thing when anonymous people befall some horrendous tragedy half way around the world through malice intent or sheer neglect. However, when all the players are people you know and love and trust and care for, the situation can be scaled down exponentially and still leave you far more shocked than the great injustices of the world. It seems to me that when it comes to the way we as humans react to news, it's all relative, so to speak.

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I don't understand.
Why?
What do I do now?

Who are you?