Bah...

Counting today, I haven't left my house in six days (I've gone outside, but the backyard doesn't exactly count). I'm starting to go a little stir crazy, but actually there is something incredibly comforting in being at home all the time. I may be bored out of my skull, but I don't know what I would do if I left. I'm starting to get myself thoroughly convinced that there is nothing for me in the world, so why go out into it. Yeah I know, negative thoughts are the root of all unhappiness, but at least I have my unhappiness. Being miserable is closer to being real than nothing at all. I need to stop reading about depression, it keeps giving me new reasons to justify my depression to myself instead of giving me new tools to end my depression. It seems to me lately that everyone I know is so incredibly busy that I should just leave them the hell alone. I mean everyone, my friends, my parents, even my sister and her family. I guess I don't really remember what it's like to be busy. I literally haven't had anything to do for more than a month now. I'm starting to feel more useless than relaxed, more anxious than calm. I think it's probably time to look for a job. But first I need some motivation. If you are reading this and you have some spare motivation please send it to:

Lazy Ass Slob
c/o Anthony Pereira
80 Sekura Crescent
Cambridge, Ontario
N1R 7E8

Keep on Trangling,
Anthony Pereira

P.S. I just realized this. Maybe it isn't that there isn't nothing in the world for me, maybe it's that there is nobody in the world for me. God that is a whole lot more depressing, but it's closer to how I feel right now, I think. So I guess the natural conclusion is that I'm so tired of feeling alone against my will that I'm resigning to the feeling and accepting it freely. If it's inevitable I may as well not try to fight it. Why do I keep falling into my own traps? At least now I feel more stupid than lonely.