I have decided to become more decisive, which on it's own is a victory.
In an effort to reorganize my life and finally become a happier, healthier person I need to start with making some decisions. After years of being told that I don't have to make career or educational decisions "at my age," I have no plans and no goals and the thought of supporting myself or being successful in school frightens me.
That is over. I am making decisions, creating goals and formulating a plan. Sympathetic guidance counselors and academic advisors should not have told me to be unconcerned with choosing a career or educational path, but rather should have encouraged me to create a specific plan for myself, while being flexible and open to the possibility of change. That is just what I now intend to do.
Since the last years of high school I've sort of planned on being a teacher. However, teaching is more a possibility than a goal. I'd be satisfied with a career in teaching, and if I end up there I know I will be good at it, but I believe I should aim at something I desire to do, not something I can do. Perhaps one day I'll end up a teacher in a future career, like Brooke, but I think right now I owe it to myself to aim for what I most want to do.
Despite my crushing low self-esteem and fear of rejection, I am announcing, here, while writing, that I am going to aim my sights on a career as a writer. I feel quite vulnerable stating what I plan to do with my life while doing it. My level of talent is fairly obvious to anyone reading this and I will be judged accordingly. For a long time I've thought of myself as a good writer, at least technically, but I've doubted my ability to be original and to infuse my words with my own personality, to elicit an emotional reaction in the reader. That being said, I can no longer allow my fears to run my life, to decide what I will do and become.
With this new direction, university also has a new purpose for me. It is no longer an obstacle on the way to life, it is a true, honest education. My concern has shifted from getting a degree to gaining experience in the written word and the English language. While I'm not sure what type of writing I would like to do, exposure to writing in its various forms might provide me with new ideas and inspiration, while the opportunity to take creative and professional writing courses will give me a chance to experiment and hone my craft.
I feel significantly more optimistic having finally committed myself to something. The difficult part will be to flesh out my plans, and to complete them. I have to cut this short though, well it isn't short, but I have to skip a conclusion or any parting words because I have taken a closing shift at work and I am running late.
Keep on Tranglin,
Anthony
20 comments:
You go and write, my brother. You write the hell out of something. Fuck yeah.
Excellent! And teaching can come later if you desire - it's a great second career. Maybe you'll teach writing...
Just glad you're feeling better.
Its nice to have a goal... that is a kick ass one by the way...
Anthony you are an amazing writer and with a clever mind god only knows how far that will take you.
god speed Anthony....god speed
Sweet, I've loved everything you've ever written. And for all those who haven't know Anthony as long as I have, I have a special treat. In first year I got lazy and asked him to finish writing an essay for me. And here is what he sent me:
Furthermore, the word "clandestine" is an odd word that I never use. Perhaps this is because it reminds me (one) of citrus fruit. This is obviously because of it's gross similarities to the word "clementine." Citrus, and other segmented fruits are by far the best type of fruits. They allow for easy eating: alone, or when sharing. As the great Julius Caesar is quoted, "I often share only citrus. An apple requires a knife." It is obvious even the people of classic times prefered lemons and limes to their more northerly cousins.
Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy. Dianna is lazy.
(this continues for many more lines)
It is obvious from this, that Mr. John Donne has succeeded in writing an entire poem. This is a task that many have attempted, but few have ever succeded in. The magnificent Calven Coolidge is often misquoted as saying "I complete as many as 500 poems a year." What he really said was "I fail to complete any poems a year." Even everyone's favourite whore, Mary Magdelene was known to start but not finish as many as 46.8 poems a week until her untimely death at the the Mirage Casino in Las Vegas in 1976. Secondly, it is clear that poetry is not only a good thing, but also something quite terrible.
In Japan, as many as two hundred and thirty six people have signed a petition to ban all poetry from that nation. So far there (their) efforts have been unsuccessful, however many short stories, including all by Edgar Allen Poe, have been removed from the shelves in public libraries in Yokohama, and other major cities across japan. "We never burn a good book, only bad ones. Sometimes we burn a book we aren't sure is good or bad, but that makes little difference either way," said Mr. Takiomoto, head of the JLBS, or Japan Liturature Burning Society.
(more Dianna is lazy lines)
In conclusion, I (one) believe(s) that space cowboys are really something that we should all learn to become. I (one) myself (oneself) often find it quite interesting and become quite amused while watching movies about space cowboys. Furthermore, it is quite evident that lentils are not an essential nutriet. Secondly, I propose that all lamp-posts be replaced with giant celery stalks. This would end the problems of hunger that are so pervasive in mexico's great cities. Woody Allen once said, "This is a quote." Really makes you think doesn't it? Finally, in sumation, Dianna is lazy
OMFG! I just peed a little bit. That's fucking hilarious. Thanks Dianna.
I think I've stumbled onto myself 6 years ago. Similar self-deprecating, absurdist writing style, same favourite movies/books. Want to know what happens? I finished a business degree (at a good Ontario school) out of inertia (now wish I had done life science), went to Korea to teach English, signed up for Journalism school when I got back. Was going to try it and fall back on teaching if it didn't work out. Opted out of J-school since I wanted a more stable career. Wasn't ready for teaching yet so worked in soul-destroying cubicle jobs for 3 years hating every second. Got into law school (hey, lawyers write!) and decided it wasn't worth paying for 3 years of school to do something I'd probably hate. Recently spent a week in a grade 6 classroom and liked it and now I'm applying to teacher's college. My unsolicited advice, in no particular order: There's time for more than you think, as long as you cut out tv. Do well in school and try some courses you've never tried before.....if you decide on grad/professional school later your transcript may haunt you. Write, copulate, repeat. Travel, but don't get obsessed with the notion, it's addictive. "KNOW what you want, DECIDE to get it, and PERSIST until you have done so." (a quote I came across....very helpful for me) I'm convinced that something changes in your brain as you get older that makes you less tolerant of risk, so risk early and much. Good luck!
Okay, I must add to that as I just read your previous post. I'm afraid you're more like me than I originally thought. I'm currently going through therapy to combat depression, and if I could have nipped it when I was 21 that would have made my life so much easier. So here is my updated advice. You must attempt some of these things if you want to be happier.
1a)I'm adding this later, but it's the most important so I'm putting it first. Make a list of all the things you are thankful for. Especially your health. Write out how much someone would have to pay you for your arm/leg/testicles etc. That's a pretty large asset base to start with. And it sounds like you have some solid family and friends. That's most of your happiness right there, the rest is just fine tuning.
1) Buy one copy of Oh The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss
2) Buy one copy of Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? also by Dr. Seuss
3) Buy one copy of Feeling Good by David Burns.....possibly use this in conjunction with a therapist
4) Buy one copy of What Colour Is Your Parachute.....and that's enough reading
5) read these with an open mind and heart....
6) Realize that you have a significant advantage over all those people in university and college that are there only because that's what they think they're supposed to do. I know many people, and I'm one, that would have been better off flunking out of college/university, taking some time to figure out what I wanted, and then went back at it with PURPOSE this time. Take stuff you're interested in, and challenge yourself. You're obviously a smart guy, just decide and then DO IT.
7) DO NOT compare yourself to your peers. This is the worst thing you can do. And what you need to realize is that most of them are faking it and feel just as anxious about the future as you. A lot of them will be stuck in jobs they hate in their 40s because they didn't take the time to find themselves.
8) DO NOT use this forum to publicly feel sorry for yourself. Use it to write the kinds of things that you would want to read.
9)Go ahead and seek support from your friends and family, but don't use them as a crutch. The more independant you become, the more self-confidence you'll have, and the better you'll feel.
No, this is not secretively posted by someone you know. Just a guy surfing the net that needs to get some sleep now. You can get working on that list now...
woo!
please feel free to use us as your test group. i understand that our opinions may not be ALL that valuable in the literary community but we all think you're entertaining, we're bored and at least 1 of us likes pie.
glad you've got a goal, hope it helps. when you're done with it, could i borrow?
Anthony, your drama experience will help. Having portrayed characters on stage helps tremendously in developing them on the page.
Immerse yourself in the role as you write it, just as you would while performing, and the dialog writes itself.
Just a tip from a fellow actor/writer. Of course, I'd never have the guts to submit anything...
Hey! I like pie!
How was F.F.?
Many thanks to all you wonderful, encouraging people, especially the lovely Dianna for saving that all these (two) years.
To my anonymous commentor: Thanks for taking the time to leave not only one, but two excellent and substantial comments. I appreciate the effort and the interest you have taken in me, as most of my anonymous visitors leave no comments and seemingly read nothing more than the title, if the statistics are to be believed. On one of your points, though, I must disagree. I will continue to use this forum, not only to complain about myself, but also to note interesting or even mundane things that happen to me. This blog began as a personal journal, without which, I'd have no place to empty out my feelings, even if they are completely self-centered and boring. I may, however, start a second blog focused on content that is less personal in nature and more audience focused.
Nick: Franz was amazing and will likely be the subject of a post later tonight.
Way late coming into this, but you've had some great supporting comments that I can only wholeheartedly agree with, and also applaud you for your postivity. I, like your anonymous commenter, empathise very closely with where you're at. I wish you all the best in finding a way to get the fulfillment in your life that you deserve.
anthony, baby,
i will rub your feet and shoulders (and various other body parts if you wish), make you hot cocoa and do jumpingjacks until you say stop. just write baby, write!
(im making no sense)
brilliant, creative man. do your best.
I am giving you a writing assignment.
Write for 20 straight minutes, without worrying about grammar, fiction or nonfiction, about the following topic:
Indelible markers
find this book and either buy it or check it outof the biblioteque
just do yourself and us a favour and aim higher than the Cambridge Times or K-W Record, while they could all benefit from solid writing, assistance and interesting writing is needed elsewhere...
i like uber's suggestion...but all i could come up with is to sit here smelling an indelible marker...thus the division between the men and the boys.....
Today's writing topic:
Pranks
20 minutes straight, stream of consciousness, fiction or non, your choice.
I'm going to keep giving you assignments. It's like doing situps and leg stretches for your mind.
Ubie- how about I do the assignments on paper, for myself and if ever I get one that I am satisfied with I'll post it?
Yes, my dear Anthony. I didn't mean that as blog fodder. I mean them as mental exercises for yourself.
Sigh. I should've made myself more clear. Perhaps I'm not the best communicator...
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