Thank you very much for all your kind words and concern. I feel somewhat awkward and guilty, like I might have been fishing for sympathy but my true aim was to use my blog in it's original purpose as a diary and personal repository of feelings. The following response I sent to one concerned person that emailed me explains things fairly well.
Seems that people are getting the impression that this may be my first time on meds, but it's actually my second. That is why I feel like a "failure" because I had it under control for so long without needing the medication and now I can't handle it anymore. When I call myself a failure it's not that I think there is something negative about using the medication as a tool to feel better, I just think it is healthier to control depression without the medication if possible.
There are quite a few side effects of these medications, including the possibility of actually becoming more depressed, so I think it's reasonable to try to avoid the chemical option. Beyond that, the long term side effects of modern anti-depressants wont be known for years. An idea like "I'm a failure" is really just the depression, and because I'm able to recognize it as what it is I don't fear expressing it. Better out than in, if you know what I mean. Thanks for your concern, but really don't worry about me, having people fuss over me is just going to make me feel guilty. I didn't turn to medication because I hit rock bottom, I did it because I didn't want to.
Keep on Tranglin,Anthony
22 comments:
keep on trangling brotha.
i've been on celexa twice so i know all about the "i'm a failure" business to which you refer. basically you just have to remind yourself semi-occasionally that it can't last forever.
Sorry for making you feel guilty. That wasn't the intent at all. I think people just make a fuss because we love being around you. Really, all we (and I'm sure this goes for everyone) want is to see you happy. So no more guiltiness. Promise.
Nick is making a vow!
I will send Anthony a text message a day until he files a restraining order.
This is the kind of loyalty I bring to the table. It is not for the feint of heart.
Stay up, Anthony. You my dog and shit.
I never felt manipulated, and I have by bloggers before.
Don't feel guilty; we all care about ya and want to give some encouragement as trite as it may seem through this medium.
I don't know if you feel like this, but it's not so much failure I feel as I don't want to be on meds the rest of my life.
My doc has me on something designed to actually heal the syapses; that's what I want. Whatever's not "firing" correctly I want fixed.
So I get your disappointment. I just don't think it's a failing on your part.
anthony, i'm really fuckin drunk right now but i though you should know that all your friend wish you weere drunk right now./ cuz it would be funny. and cuz we love you. come get drunk with us on monday. or at least visit us. we missss u.
ur dear friend, nadia.
Lousy Smarch weather! Not fussing, I promise.
drunken madness number 2! sorry for bothering you/waking you up. you shouldve been here. we saw a tons of great bands fore free. soooo many scene kids tho they were hilarious. it was a good night to kick someone in the snatch. i also met a creepy guy on the bus. that was equallly hilarious.
Creepy guy on bus = me
Unless your name is Daniel and you travel to finch station at 3am, I don't think you're creepy. Or on a bus.
Snatch kicking! I'm in.
Good, I'll need all the snatch kickers I can get. I'm going to have to put together a snatch kicking army.
I texted the shit out of you today.
Damn you look good in that hat.
Anthony, get the bucket off of your head and talk to us.
yes, please do.
I talk to him almost everyday.
Damn, that rules me out.
Punk
Hey! My name's Susie!
Anthony - are you hiding under Ubie's bed without me?!
This is boring, I'm bored!
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