Restless

I couldn't sleep so I went for a short run.

I still couldn't sleep so I had a shower.

I still couldn't sleep so I decided to be productive. This is where I ran into trouble.


I remembered that the Lecture schedule for next year was to be released on the twentieth and I figured it might be there already. It was. That part went well. I was able to put together a tentative schedule with all the courses I want. I'm still not in them, enrollment doesn't begin until June, and the classes could fill before my enrollment time begins. That doesn't particularly bother me, I can always work around it.

The problem began when I started poking around York's website looking at other stuff. I wanted a bit more information about living on campus next year and I bumped into information for Summer Residence. I want nothing more than to move out of here ASAP and Summer Residence would allow that, however I wouldn't be able to financially justify paying for res without taking any courses, and the last time I looked at the summer lecture schedule the pickings looked rather slim. My interest was peaked though and I still didn't feel particularly tired, so I went on a search for courses. After a while I found two that not only fit into a schedule well, but also satisfy degree requirements. Things are looking a bit more possible.

At the heart of my difficulties lie two burdens I would have to bear in order to make this all happen.

Firstly, I would have to deal with the financial consequences of giving up the ability to work full time for four months this summer, and would be taking on some very hefty costs: about $2000 for tuition, and up to double that much for living expenses. I would get an extra portion of my loan which would cover 70-80 percent of those costs, but it might not be available in time to pay off my student account before I have to enroll in my fall and winter courses. That could be a big problem.

Secondly, I would be giving up my ability to spend my summer with my friends, the majority of which live in Cambridge, not Toronto. The summer is the only time I am able to see quite a few of my friends who go to college or university in far off places. My summer schedule would give me three day weekends during the summer, but I would still have to work part time so I might not be able to get back to Cambridge as often as I would like. I know it is part of life, but I'm really afraid of letting relationships slip away as I move on. Perhaps I am over reacting.

Feel free to ignore the following, it is mostly for me. I'm just trying to figure this out and make a decision.

PRO

• I can graduate sooner or take a lighter course load in the future
• I get to move out of my parent's house
• All the fun that is Toronto in the summer
• I do have friends that live in Toronto year round who I would otherwise see very little of this summer
• I don't have to live through the tedium of a full time retail or service job.
  

CON

• I will destroy the delicate financial balance I have achieved through careful planning and thrift (if you can call it that).
• I am taking on more debt- the amount of debt used on tuition will remain the same, but the amount of debt used on living expenses will increase.
• I won't be able to have random outings and crazy fun with my friends including those I rarely see (though that sort of stuff last summer led to me getting a tattoo, which I don't so much regret as have ambivalent feelings toward, so this added part is useless because it is neither pro nor con).
• To be able to enroll in my fall/winter courses in June, I will have to pay off my student account and the slow loan process and added expenses might make this very difficult or impossible. It is possible that I would have to take a cash advance on a credit card to cover the temporary shortage and that kind of credit card debt, even if it is only supposed to be temporary, scares the shit out of me. Perhaps I should talk to the parents about helping me fill that gap.
• Talking to the parents about helping me fill that gap. I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than go through the torture and grief of asking them for money. Partially because I think they might refuse. Somehow my father has decided I am irresponsible with cash. He's mostly right, but I'm improving. I already learned my lesson about credit cards, and I had the fortune to have a full time job when that happened (though my parents have no idea how much I owed because I hid what I bought or lied about the prices and didn't mention the subject ever), and I have stopped buying things. Mostly. I probably still spend too much money for someone with zero income, but if anything is an example of my frugality, it is that I have lived on $1000 since November (when I quit my job), and I still have $100 of that left. Living here I don't have many expenses but about half of that was spent on transportation to and from school, and about $100 of it on stupid smelly Christmas. So I'm spending about $100 a month on non-essentials down from a high of probably about $800 a month last spring (which was actually considerably more than I was earning, hence the credit card issues).

Well that got somewhat out of hand... It was good to see where I've come from and how much I've improved. Here again I am running into personal journal/public blog dilemma, though I guess since I don't mind sharing, it is something of a "public journal", a little bit of both.

I guess that does serve its original purpose in helping to clarify the issue, though I am no closer to making a decision, not that I really can yet. I can't even enroll in those courses for two days and I still have no idea how to apply for summer residence. Also I really should discuss it with the parents, even if I really, really don't want to.

I'm going to try to get a couple of hours of sleep before I have to leave for class, but with this much on my mind it probably wont happen.

Keep on Tranglin,
Anthony

edit 20/03/06 7:21 am

I just posted and read it over and realized that I made it seem like I only have $100 to my name. This would make it impossible to enroll in summer courses or apply for summer residence anyways. The truth is I have a $600 tax refund in the mail that I should get any day now, I just got a $260 cheque from the University as a bursary and I have about $500 in cash which I have considered my "travel fund" and would rather continue to prentend doesn't exist, however if push came to shove that would become my "not starving to death" fund. So I have enough money to begin the process, I'm just a bit concerned about what happens a little later when all of that is gone.