If I were King of the World

Donald Trump would be extraordinarily rendered to a secret CIA camp in Eastern Europe where he would be tortured mercilessly for the crimes he has perpetrated against humanity.

Dane Cook would be actual-funny. Not just MTV- funny. His stand-up wouldn't even make me want to stab him anymore. SNL monologues generally aren't supposed to be short showcases for the host's stand-up, and when they are, usually the host comes up with original jokes and connects them to the fact they are on SNL. Jackass.

Dora the Explorer would stop repeating things five of six times. Once is enough chica.

The animals at the zoo would be a little more appreciative of all the attention I give them. Seriously, you can ask Nadia, those animals made me look sprightly and full of life. If I taunted you, telling you to just give up and die already, you'd probably do more than just turn your head to stare at me. Not that lazy ass Siberian tiger. With an attitude like that, you deserve to be extinct.

Arrested Development and Stella would be resurrected the network executives responsible for cancelling them would be disembowelled.

And that is what it would be like if I was King of the World.

Keep on Tranglin,
Anthony

23 comments:

Fella said...

what's with the big ass font?

Anonymous said...

I completly agree with everything you said, but espically about Arrested Development

Anonymous said...

Large print for the visually impaired.

Aaron said...

i can pledge allegiance to that

Ubermilf said...

Maybe your stupid hat stupefied him.

Loz said...

Siberian tigers answer to NO ONE. they have a terrible attitude problem. But it could have been worse, he could have escaped his enclosure and eaten you for dissing him.

I love the Arrested Development idea.

Fucking Bingo said...

viande

Loz said...

Too bad you're not King of the World, and Leonardo DiCaprio is.

Loz said...

come to think of it, kate winslet sunbaked on the piece of floaty wood for a bit while he froze to death.
all hail King Anthony!

Ubermilf said...

I might be visiting Toronto soon. I'm going to grab the hat off your head and throw it away.

Fella said...

If Ubie visits Toronto you can ship your hat to me for its safety and well-being

Fucking Bingo said...

the only way to keep the hat safe is to wear it all year. you should have worn it at the zoo, i think the animals would have done your bidding then.

Scarlet Hip said...

Everytime I see you in that hat I think of the movie Fargo. You could have been an extra in that movie - thus starting your rise to fame and fortune.

If the Donald gets tortured, I'd like to be in charge please. I'll start with plucking his eyebrows.

Loz said...

Do you think if you become King of the World you could stop Queen Latifah from making movies? Please?

Ubermilf said...

According to the mouse over on Nick's blog, your face smells.

Doesn't everyone's? That's where your nose is, right?

Nick is dumb.

Fucking Bingo said...

i thought you may enjoy this
at least orphanes are good for something (other than something inside the orphanage)

Fella said...

Also, orphans are delicious.

If I was king of the world I would make you update this god damn blog or face the gallows.

Fella said...

Ugly.

Fucking Bingo said...

work is so depressing, why did you jerks have to be having fun?

come have fun in ottawa. please?

Fella said...

Happy Tim 24, you drunk bastard.

Ubermilf said...

What the hell? This sucks.

Captain Beefheart said...

Starfucks would be burned to the ground(s) and the earth sown with salt and pigshit.

Oh and world peace, feed the hungry yadda yadda

Ubermilf said...

Why do I keep coming here??? You lazy moron.