I think I'm soon going to be forced to switch to the new blogger.
A thought:
Why is it that all I want from my life right now is for something exciting to happen, but I have absolutely no idea how to make that happen?
I feel like Holden Caulfield.
I should probably not compare myself to fictional characters. I can only end up disappointed by my boredom, or completely delusional. The latter sounds better right now.
To be honest, my mind doesn't seem to be in the most stable of places right now. Usually in the winter I get depressed. Sometimes very depressed. I guess just through sheer will-power I've been able to avoid any serious depression (to pretend I'm not depressed at all would be a lie. I'm always depressed, but my point is that I'm not particularly more depressed than I usually am in August or June, or any other "good" months).
Without the depression, winter is unbearably boring. Even with my trips to the symphony, opera and theatre I don't feel any better.
I'm feeling trapped by the emptiness and meaninglessness and inhumanity and dishonesty of my daily life, the people around me and the world we live in.
Lists:
As a student I feel I am not learning anything useful or interesting.
As a worker I feel replaceable and unimportant.
As a son I feel ignored.
As a friend I feel like the sad clown and forgotten.
As a Canadian I feel frustrated and angry.
As a human I feel insignificant and hopeless.
I wish I could write poetry.
I wish I could start over at the beginning of high school.
I wish I had enough money live a decent life.
I wish I lived somewhere more hospitable to the scale and needs of human life.
I wish I knew what to do.
I wish things were simpler.
I dislike my classes.
I dislike my job.
I dislike living here.
I dislike the results of the choices I've made.
I'll post some more of my short story later. I haven't edited any more of it.
Keep on Tranglin,
Anthony
11 comments:
If it helps, most of the items on your list apply to me too, especially the the friend part. It's been a lonely year but at least it's almost over and then I'll be in Toronto and we can be lonely sad clowns together!
If it helps you "list" is a lot like a poem, so the poetry thing is there
i think so anyway
i love you
tim
"As a friend I feel like the sad cown and forgotten."
I honestly feel that way every single day of my life.
We'll be ok. We have to be.
.....that was supposed to be clown, not cown which clearly isn't even a word.
Send in the clowns... there's got to be clowns... well, maybe...
Next
Year
You need a double dose of this pimping.
I really don't know why you don't come and live here. Then we would be friends until you got sick of me so you wouldn't feel like a sad clown, only look like one. I jest. But really, Australia is extremely hospitable especially with the venomous snakes and spiders.
Dianna, I can't wait. Congrats on your acceptance.
Tim, list poems... interesting. I uh... love you too?
Melanie, it turns out a lot of my friends feel like the sad clown.
Ubie, bravo! Encore!
Nick, I rarely know what you are talking about anymore. Whycome everytime we chat on MSN you leave after 1 minutes? Are you hate me?
Loz, I'd gladly move to Loztralia, but what would I do there? I have no skills, no usefull job experience and only half a BA. I doubt they'd even let me in.
Watch Idiocracy. Then you will know to what I was referring.
I'd rather not.
If you want to avoid things that are awesome, that's between you and your God.
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