PART ONE
So I was talking to Nick the other day and I mentioned that I've been going through all my old posts and that I think the quality of my writing has really diminished. He claims I always say that, which I don't deny, and that it isn't true, which I do. One thing is indisputable, the quantity of writing here has plummeted over these last months.
These problems force me to ask myself several questions:
-Is the writing worse because there is less of it, or is there less writing because it is worse?
-Why, with all the things that happen each day, do I not make the effort to write about any of them?
-Who let the dogs out?! Who?! Who?! Who?! Who?! Who?!
PART TWO
I've been feeling quite down lately. I've lost focus and motivation and energy. Actually I've been feeling this way since last winter, but I was able to keep on going because I had plans for the future which gave me great hope. My two big plans, a month in Montreal and moving into an apartment with friends both turned out to be terribly anti-climactic. Living and learning French in Montreal had its good parts, but they were seriously outweighed by the bad and this whole apartment deal has turned out much differently than planned. It really just is not working well. I don't know how else to phrase it.
I've pretty much been unable to do any of my assignments and I've missed most of my classes in the last month. There have even been a few days these last couple weeks when I just didn't get out of bed until regular bodily functions necessitated doing so. I've gotten a lot worse since the beginning of the month, incredibly bad timing considering how many deadlines are approaching as the semester comes to an end.
These problems also force me to ask myself several questions:
-Am I so depressed because I haven't been doing my work, or have I not been doing my work because I am so depressed?
-Is the solution to make plans or set goals when history has shown that they often fail and lead to disappointment?
-Seriously, who the fuck let the dogs out?!
Keep on Tranglin,
Anthony
8 comments:
I let the dogs out and for that, I am deeply sorry.
I've always been a firm believer in making plans and setting goals but that's just me.
And I know you're not looking for sympathy or anything, but you are a fantastic person and seeing you is always the highlight of my day. I'm just saying, that's all.
And again, I'm sorry I let the dogs out, but they had to pee.
If I ever saw you, it is possible it would be the highlight of that (hypothetical) day.
So you carry with you the possiblity of making an old lady in Chicago happy. Does that dispel the clouds of darkness?
I have faith that you'll get through this and be stronger for it.
Dianna, seeing you on Saturday was the highlight of my day, even if I didn't hang around long. Sorry 'bout that. You can leave my b-day p-tay early to make up for it.
Ubula, and seeing you would be the highlight of my (hypothetical) day too. Especially if you had cookies or something shiny. I'm pretty sure I have ADD.
Nick, thanks.
I was just excited you came at all!
remind me to give you a hug when you come home, sad panda!
i hope living with me is at least, okay. let's throw a party sooooonish.
Knowing you and others who are dealing with depression, I know that for whatever reason you are impervious to compliments (not to say you aren't grateful, but they never seem to be the tonic you are looking for) so for that reason I won't bother to shine rainbows up your butt no matter how much you deserve it.
There comes a point when thinkers have thunk too much. When you have reached that point, thinking any more is called omphaloskepsis. I don't know exactly what you need but it seems like you need to get out of your head (and your bed) and take a look around at the people who care about you. If nothing more, you are here for us and we're here for you. Quit thinking about the future so much and just throw your energy towards something you love. Can there be success or failure if your goals are based upon doing something you love? Because if all else fails it all comes back to that.
Remember the time at the end of the summer when you Julia and I went to Starbucks? You've never seemed happier to me. I don't know why you were, but you were.
http://www.aip.org/history/einstein/essay.htm
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