economic ACTION! plan

Times are rough. That, good sir, is a scientific fact. I've read somewhere that as a young person I'm statistically more likely to go though rough economic times than the general population, but that hasn't stopped me from amassing an astounding several hundred dollars (nearly). With these tips maybe you'll be able to live on easy street just like me, though technically I live on College street. "Living on easy street" is a popular expression that you may have heard before.

• Next time you are at your local salt market, walk right by the fleur de sel and the hawaiian black pearl salt. Times are tough, so you're pretty much going to have to give up all gourmet salts. Get some of that regular iodized stuff that poor people seem to love so much. Don't think, "ok I'll just get some kosher salt, Jews use it so it must be cheap." Guess what, it's not and you're an anti-semite.
• DIY. Do-it-yourself. This is more than just a money-saving tip, its a life philosophy. You'll be amazed at the things you can do for yourself and the money you can save with a little elbow grease. Make your own dinner, fix that leaky faucet yourself, get an at-home enema kit and cancel all those costly high-colonic spa appointments.
• Get a job. You might have to betray everything you are, but the money will be worth it. Neil Patrick Harris might be a total homo, musical theatre and all, but times are tough so he sucks it up (not literally) and goes to work everyday to play an absolutely unconvincing womanizer in his current piece of shit sitcom. I'm pretty sure the same thing applies to Charlie Sheen.
  
• Get a second job. Finding a way to turn what you like to do anyways into a little extra cash is a great idea. Whores have been doing it for years.
• If all else fails, become an illegal immigrant.