Zombie

This whole night shift thing kinda sucks. The job itself is fine. It's actually pretty good. Working at night though is not at all my idea of fun. My sleeping patterns are all screwed up. It's really difficult to go to bed at 6:30 after driving home in morning sunshine. Also because I've moved my bed back into the basement my body has no idea how long I've slept because there is no change in the light. I've been sleeping twelve or so hours a night (day really) which is ok because I need the rest for work, but sucks because my days have consisted of nothing but sleeping and work. I really need the money, but I am feeling more isolated than I was before. Worst of all, the depression that took so long to beat feels like it's coming back. Especially these last two days, because I haven't done anything or seen anyone on my weekend off. It's just too much time alone doing nothing. Life seems even more pointless than it did before because now it's also a struggle for financial survival. I'd love to just run away to some tropical island and live out the rest of my life doing something fun. I haven't really thought this through, as you can tell. It became incredibly, painfully obvious when I was depressed that the only thing worthwhile in my life is friendship and I have this terrible fear that I'm going to see very little of my friends this summer, and obviously even less of them during school. Which leads me to this- If I can't have the only thing I want, what other reason do I have to keep trying?

Trangle if you want, I don't really feel like trangling right now,
Anthony