I've become progressively more depressed since yesterday. I hate writing in this journal but who the hell else am I going to talk to and what the hell else am I going to do with my time. I don't know how to live anymore. I don't have much reason to do so either. I really would like to sit in my closet and cry for hours on end but I don't think I can, I don't think I really want to. I don't think I really want anything. I hate how people write when they are depressed. It all sounds the same. It's all terrible. Utterly terrible. And they use words like "utterly." No happy person would ever use the word "utterly." Perhaps "utter" but never "utterly." I apologize for rambling.
I have pin-pointed exactly what it is I need. It's the subject of this entry really. I need someone to need me as much as I need them. I need someone to take care of and have that person take care of me. I hate my self-pity. I hate my lack of motivation. I hate that I can't talk to people. I hate that I don't know how to love. I hate knowing that I will never know how to love. I hate being alone. I hate being left alone. I hate that my days are filled with hating myself. I hate that I have nothing to do and no one to be with. I hate me. I hate you. I hate life. Teach me to love something, anything.
I've decided to fade away, I don't deserve flames.
Keep on Trangling,
Anthony Pereira
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